I love cake like nobody’s business.

True story.  Wedding cake is another thing I am strangely, weirdly, and, well, very opinionated about. There are a few things on my list of requirements, and they are as follows (in no particular order):

1. Delicious, white buttercream frosting. I don’t want fondant to even be in the same room.
2. No wet fillings. The filling that I like best is no filling at all. I’ll take more buttercream in the center, thanks. (I have a serious phobia of wet bread, and wet cake filling STRONGLY borders on being too close for comfort).
3. Nothing super frou-frou.
4. I want big, white, multi-tiered and old skool. No weird shapes. I like circles, I like squares, but I don’t like a mixture of the two.
5. Preferably delicious, white, yummy, nom-tastic white white vanilla cake. Old skool wedding cake white cake.
6. It has to be so delicious that I die, go to heaven, come back, die again, come back, and then eat more cake.

With those things in mind, waaaaay back early on in wedding-research land, before the actual planning started, I found this cake. I knew it was the one. You can have a the one dress, and I can have my the one cake. (I don’t remember the source of this either! If somebody could tell me where it came from, that’d be pretty win).

Now I don’t know what’s going on on the inside of this cake, but I’ll bet it’s filled with awesome. See that? Round tiers. No frilly stuff. AND COVERED IN CLEAR SPRINKLY THINGS. I seriously love this thing. When we met with the caterer for the first time, I practically shoved these in his face. “WANT THIS, K?”

“Uh, sure?”

I even built a mock-up of the cake in SketchUp. (As a former architecture student, and one that had pre-Google SketchUp beat into me, I think it’s my right to use it wherever and whenever I please. It’s my thing– let it go). I bumbled around the internet and guessed that for the number of people we’re having, a 4-tier round cake would be good– 16″, 12″, 8″, 6″, and each tier 4″ tall.

What’s that you say? The center looks so boring? Especially for a fun and technicolored parade of a wedding? FEAR NOT, dear children, for I have a brilliant idea.

I’m sure you have all heard of the monstrosity that is Funfetti. Funfetti cakes themselves stress me out, and I guess it’s because I prefer not to use boxed cakes. One day, I discovered that all it took to make a regular cake into a rainbow-fetti-ed cake was just… sprinkles. Yep, regular o’ sprinkles! That means you can have a cake with whatever colors you want! For the 4th of July, I throw in red, white, and blue sprinkles. Valentine’s Day? Pink and red! So for our wedding, we could have a ‘fettied cake that uses our colors.

So, as a quick rundown of what we have goin’ here:

1. 4 round tiers of magic
2. White buttercream frosting
3. Clear sugar sprinkle sparkle guys covering the outside
4. Only buttercream as a filling
5. ‘Fettied white cake for the layers

Full of win. Now I just have to decide what to put on top of the cake.

So who else has a weird aversion to anything that borders on wet-bread-like-cake? Anybody else strangely particular about certain cake aspects? Any other super-plain super-old-school wedding cake lovers out there?